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Excuses
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Here's some handy excuses. use carefully.

"All this homework is disrupting my inner peace. How am i supposed to achieve Nirvana if i must constantly be put to mindless tasks for the purpose of material gains?"
 
"The Devil made me do it."
 
"It was the one-armed, one-eyed, one-legged man!"
 
"It's the media's fault" (caution: its best to be careful when using excuses that are outright lies)
 
"It was like that when i got here"
 
"It's supposed to do that."
 
"I don't know where the penguin came from."
 
"Why didn't anyone tell me what was going on?"
 
"who's accusing which person of doing whatnow?" (continue this until they get bored or frustrated and leave you alone)
 
"have you ever read four books at once?" (Newsradio fans will be about the only people to get this one)
 

Disclaimer: none of the above officially came from this site, if anyone asks.